Still Running (weakly). Issue 118

PAST – inspiration – “Centurions are a mad lot,” was one of the kinder observations that the stadium announcer made about the assembled company at the organisation’s 100th 100-mile race, which I fascinated you with in newsletter 116.  Centurions, you will remember, are athletes who have race walked 100 miles in less than 24 hours in a judged race in the UK.  We were founded in 1911; there are 1,225 of us; and we all have a unique number – I am C768 – with the earliest qualifier taking the chair at any Centurions’ meeting.

The aforementioned commentator kept the supporters, officials and spectators amused with anecdotes about Centurions from years gone by.  The most startling of these was the tale of one H. Barraclough of Yorkshire Walking Club, who qualified at a race in Bradford in 1936 as C109.  Mr. Barraclough’s walking career spanned the war years, as he completed 102 miles in the Surbiton 24-hour track race in 1948.

What is remarkable is that he cycled 200 miles from his home in Bradford down to London to get to that race – and then biked all the way back up after it!

I don’t think they make ‘em like that anymore!

PRESENT – perspiration – One of the oldest barriers in ultrarunning – the sub-6-hour 100km – has finally been “breached.”  On 26th August, Sibusiso Kubheka of South Africa ran 5:59:20, with Charlie Lawrence (US, 6:03:47) and Aleksandr Sorokin (Lithuania, 6:04:10) also under Sorokin’s record of 6:05:35.

However, rather like with Kipchoge’s 1:59:41 and Faith Kipyegon’s recent sub-4 bid, the use of intermittent pacers, an uncertified course and the Adizero Evo Prime X shoes’ illegal height mean that the record will not be certified.  The event was an Adidas-organised marketing ploy dubbed “Chasing 100.”  Whilst Kipchoge’s and Kipyegon’s challenges were all about exploring the limits of human capability, the noise around this 100km circus was all about the products.

Don Ritchie of Scotland ran 6:10:20 for 250 laps of the Crystal Palace track in October 1978.  It was a world record that he held for the rest of his life, being broken a few days after his death in 2018, when Nao Kazami ran 6:09:14 at Lake Saroma.  When you consider the advances in shoe technology, clothing and nutrition in the last 47 years, Don’s record is remarkable: its longevity – 40 years! – speaks for itself.

You know what I’m going to say.  You can keep your super-shoes – and you can forget 5:59:20 – Ritchie’s is the greatest 100km performance of all time.

FUTURE – suggestion – A friend recently introduced me to the 5km parkrun app, where you can see where you rank in the world.  Turns out, with 680 parkruns, I am 150th out of about 6.9 million.

Which got me thinking.  How do I move up the rankings and achieve that longed-for top 100 position?  Well, I’ve come up with a few ideas on how I can maximise my parkrun participation and sabotage those above me, which I will now share with you, as long as you promise not to let on to those with more parkruns than me…………

1.       Don’t get ill or injured.

2.       If you know someone above you in the rankings, hide their barcode.

3.       Visit other countries on their national day for an extra parkrun credit.

4.       Never, under any circumstances, volunteer.

5.       Hope Christmas and New Year’s Day don’t fall on a Saturday, so you can get extra parkruns in.

6.       Never become part of the core team.

7.       If you’re a running coach or advisor, and you know someone who is above you in the table, instruct them most sincerely that it would be very unwise for them to do a parkrun the day before a big race, the week before a big race, the day before a long run, the week before a long run, or indeed when anything else is happening that weekend.

8.       If you’re not their coach, bribe their actual coach to advise them along those lines.

9.       In the nicest possible way, hope that a few of those above you move somewhere where there’s no parkrun.

10.   Arrange to visit a different parkrun with them – but choose one that is cancelled that week – and sneak off somewhere else yourself.

11.   Drive past your rival’s house on a Friday night and shout, “Alexa, turn off all alarms.”

12.   Get some friendly foreign hacker – or Tom Cruise and Simon Pegg – to rejig your numbers on the parkrun database.

See you on the sunlit uplands of parkrun glory!